Jesus' phone number

An actual conversation with Mady. "Mommy, I need Jesus' phone number because I need to speak with him"! Me: "why do you need to speak with Jesus Mady?" "Well I want to ask him if Ava can come down from heaven and play with me." Oh, the innocence of a child. How I wish that Mady could have her little sister here right now. I always imagined she and Mady being so close and lifelong companions. It breaks my heart that this will never happen.

I picked the name Ava because of how seemingly uncommon it was. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen/heard that name since we lost her. I was at the grocery store this morning and kept running into a lady with her young daughter. She kept yelling her name "Ava" over and over. She had blonde hair and blue eyes; I couldn't help but imagine that my Ava would have favored her. I miss my baby girl and feel so empty without her. Every time I see a baby; it is like a sharp knife. Ava's nursery is still untouched; I can't seem to gather the courage to even go in there. Even though it has almost been 2 months, it still feels so raw and painful.

It actually helps to talk about her; I guess it is therapeutic for me. I always want to remember how beautiful she was and how wonderful it was to hold her even though she was no longer with us. I think a lot of people are afraid to bring her name up because they think it is too painful. I all honesty, I love when people ask about her, it makes me feel like she is remembered and honored. Please keep us in your prayers, we are doing better but still have really hard days. It is something I will never "get over" but learn ways to accept/deal with more everyday.

In my selfishness, I want her with us here. I have to continually remind myself that she was always one of God's angels and he needed her with him. I can't even begin to imagine how beautiful she is in heaven right now dancing with all of the other angels.