The process of grieving

I had to finally pick out the keepsake box to put our little Ava's ashes into today.  As i was standing in line at the store where we had picked out the beautiful box; I started tearing up.  I literally felt like i could just break out sobbing in front of the whole store.  I was holding a baby keepsake box that most people purchase for happy keepsakes for their child.  I was purchasing this box to put the remains of my precious daughter into.  Words cannot describe how helpless and devastating that feeling is as a parent.  As I got to the counter to show the clerk my words that I had written earlier to be engraved on the box; I was shaking and tears were quietly rolling down my face.  She kept asking me if I was ok.....well, no not really.  All I could think was that these words that came from my heart still could not adequately explain how special she was and how much her daddy and I loved her.  I am definitely in the worst part of grieving right now; everything in my body hurts, my mind is mentally exhausted, and I am just completely broken.  I don't eat; I really try to because I know I need to but just can't.  My mom bought me chick fila for lunch today (my favorite) and I haven't taken a bite of it yet.  I just can't seem to eat anything.  I pray constantly for God to carry us through this terrible storm and I believe he is; but sometimes it is hard for me to feel his presence.

Here are the words that I wrote to have on her box:
Ava Elizabeth Ryan
March 4, 2013

Our Beautiful Ava, you will forever be loved and missed.  We had you in our lives such a very short time, but we'll hold you in our hearts forever.  We had the world when we had you; you are truly our angel.  You are safe in the arms of Jesus.  

"Before i formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart."  
 - Jeremiah 1:5