Fear and faith

Fear is something we all deal at some point in our lives; some more so than others.  I am currently writing this blog entry on a flight from Phoenix to Chicago.  I thought..."what better time to update than when I'm 30,000 feet in the air.  I can't really go anywhere and I'm way overdue in updating!!;-). I have always dealt with mild anxiety my whole life, but have usually done a pretty good job of hiding it from others for the most part.  One of my fears is flying (go figure), my husband is a pilot for goodness sakes.  I used to absolutely love flying when I was younger but over the past couple of years since becoming a mom and losing Ava.....I am a very nervous flyer.  I hide it well for my Mady because she is extremely terrified( worse than I ever was).  I keep a brave face for her and pray that she will eventually grow out of this.  When we were taking off out of Phoenix, it was pretty bumpy as usual due to the thermals and mountains.  I had tried to explain to her beforehand that it is normal and God has control over this plane.  I was sitting by the window because she wouldn't dare come close so she took the aisle seat with john being in the middle.  I felt helpless as tears of fear were flooding her face and I just wanted to hold her and comfort her but I couldn't.  I started wondering if this is how God feels about his children when we are frightened, he wants us to have faith and when we don't, that has to hurt him.  Just how today when I told Mady to trust me and hold my hand and she wouldn't.  God is always wanting for us to reach our hands up to his and hold on while he carries us and comforts our fears.  I have been dealing with other fears in my life and I know that God just wants me to give those worries to him and not worry.  I am scared of another pregnancy (as much as I want another baby) , I am scared of "what if".  I have to stop because I know that god has our best interest at heart as far as our family is concerned.  Please keep our family in your prayers as I know you always do as we continue trying to grow our family.  Pray that my fear would go away and I will be able to just give it all over to him!! We are on our way to Chicago right now (hence the flight) to be with family for a week. We are making a little vacation out of it :-). Then after we return from chi town next week, we will be going to San Diego/Anaheim to surprise Mady with sea world and *gasp* Disney!!! Woo hoo!! I don't know who's more excited mommy or Mady:-). I am always such a big kid when we go there!! Lol! We are having a great summer and staying busy as I hope you are all doing the same!!:-) we still miss our Ava bug more than we could have ever imagined but we are making it through with Gods unfailing grace.  I promise promise promise that I will do better about blogging.  I wish you all the best and thank you all for your amazing support and prayers. We would not be where we are today without prayer and God's love and grace!! We are about to land in Chicago.....woo hoo!! Let the vacation begin!! Much love and peace to you all:-)